What My Left Hand is Doing - Introduction
Last September I found myself at a crisis point, a crossroads. I was hitting a wave of artistic burnout, something I experience from time to time; I had recently shot a ton of photos in the Outer Banks during vacation, and coming down from that creative high in the following weeks left me feeling drained. In addition, I was fighting my age-old frustration with social media, specifically the way that sharing photos, even really strong ones that I'm proud of, never seems to lead to much response on Instagram or Reddit. This is demoralizing; if I'm really creating good art, why don't people respond to it? Of course, I know the reality of social media, that to be seen by lots of people requires a complicated system of gaming the algorithm, paying for bots or views, and posting videos more than still photos. I said at the time, and I still say, fuck that! I won't compromise my artistic vision or choice of medium simply to please an invisible hand controlling who sees my work. Nevertheless, all this frustration with social media and artistic burnout brought me to a point where I was forced to step back and reevaluate how I present myself and my work, with a particular focus on my online presence. After pondering the issue for a while, I came up with a game plan and a new project to help me work through these questions: What My Left Hand is Doing.
One of my early photos for this project, Jefferson Boulevard Bridge, South Bend, Indiana.
In the Sermon on the Mount Jesus speaks about the religious leaders of his time, directly criticizing them for their public displays of piety:
...When you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do... to be honored by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you (Matthew 6:2-4)
What I understand Jesus to be saying here is that those that do certain actions (charity, prayer, creating art) purely for the praise they will receive are missing the point of those actions, losing the opportunity to be edified and uplifted through the act of doing them. Those that give to charity should feel good about doing it because they got to help others, not because they were applauded for it. I should make art because I want to and find it meaningful to me, regardless of whether anyone else sees it or finds meaning in my work. Therefore, I decided, at that moment, to focus entirely on what my left hand was doing,* and do it in secret, not sharing my photos on social media and limiting who in my social circle I showed my work to. I hoped that I could break my need for validation at least a little, and rediscover what made me enjoy taking photos so much in the first place.
This photo (Sunset, South Bend, Indiana) was taken on one of the coldest days this year, and also one of the only times we had any kind of snow stick around this winter.
Now that it's been almost a year since I began this project, I am happy to say that it worked; I found myself almost immediately reinvigorated and inspired to photograph, which I did consistently for about three months after I started shooting again. Since that period (September-December) I haven't been as consistent, but have still taken lots of time to go shooting, remaining happy with my progress and my art! Going off of social media has improved my mental health considerably, and has helped me keep a steady vision of my artistic goals and growth as a photographer throughout this period. It would be reasonable to ask, therefore, why I'm now choosing to begin sharing my work online again. I did seriously consider never coming back, and I do want to limit the ways in which I share work, along with my expectations for the responses I may receive, as I move forward. But I could feel myself stagnating a bit this summer without any outlet to post my photos; essentially, I realized that I can't go forever without some kind of audience, assumed or otherwise. And I'm forcing myself to write about my photos as I share them, presenting them within the context they were taken in hopes that my intentions for them will come through more strongly. I'm excited to share what I learned and how I grew over this past year, and I hope that my artistic journey resonates with anyone who may feel similar things right now!
*I chose to title the project What My Left Hand is Doing because I am left handed; it just felt right, and is also a bit of a subversion from the original quote.