Glad I Spent it all with You - Christmas Letter 2022
On the final weekend of January this year, an oddly sunny and clear day for Michigan during the winter, my roommate Patrick and I made our way to Chicago to see one of my favorite artists, the pop-punk musician Puppet, live for the first time. I had been out late the night before, celebrating my sibling Lizzy’s 21st birthday, but I had had plenty of rest, and I was hyped for the night ahead. Over the course of the next few hours I would discuss philosophy with Patrick over deep dish pizza, scream at the top of my lungs during basically every one of Puppet’s songs, and finish the night actually meeting Brendan, getting to tell him how much his songs mean to me and taking a polaroid with him. In short, it was the perfect night, and a good way to end what had been a slow month; but it was more than that–it was a microcosm of my long, wild, fulfilling year! Puppet debuted a new song that night called Whirlwind Summer, expressing his gratitude for his friends and all their adventures, and this set the tone for my 2022. Throughout these past 12 months, I have certainly had periods of slowness, boredom, and depression, but they have been fleeting compared to the joy of community–the long days at summer camp, the late-night conversations with my partner, Malia, the endless series of photos and random adventures and amazing, special moments that make up the fabric of this time in my life. At the end of the day, all I can do is look back and smile, as I experienced the “whirlwind summer, a year like no other; glad I spent it all with you!”
“I’m angry all the time, the sun goes down on a day already over”
The first months of the year were generally slow, certainly compared to what came after! As anyone who has spent a winter in Michigan will tell you, the days were short and gray, and I fell into another period of depression and loneliness. As usual, I wrestled with my fears of being alone and whether I would find someone I could be happy with; although I have learned to be content with my friends, recognizing that I do have a community around me always, it has been hard to break old thought patterns and the malaise of winter. I even allowed myself to feel bitter about these things, that I had not found someone to love and to love me back the way I have always desired. That said, to call this first part of the year entirely depressing is absolutely misrepresenting this time! In fact, there are many things I did that I look back on with happiness and fondness.
Three Instax Mini Rainbow shots from the night of the Puppet concert, right to left chronologically.
In January, besides the Puppet concert and Lizzy’s 21st, I got out and photographed several times despite the cold; most winters I struggle to shoot, due to the weather and lack of light, but for some reason I was compelled to take photos this winter regardless. I photographed Weko Beach with my friend Izzy, spent a couple hours around Hess Lake, and accidentally stepped through the ice at Lake Chapin while shooting. I was given the chance to test the Fuji GW670II, a medium format camera, and loved it so much that I bought it, elevating the quality of many of my images throughout the whole year! I tested other cameras too, allowing me to experience different shooting styles and camera formats. In March, I made a trip to Pennsylvania for my grandparents’ 80th birthdays, which was a fun surprise for them and which allowed me to photograph my hometown of Shoemakersville for the first time since 2020. Later that month I housesat for a friend of mine not far from where I live, getting to spend a week in the woods, photographing early spring and taking care of their very cute pets. In the first weekend of April my friend Jesus and I took a day to photograph in Indiana, visiting the small towns of Mexico, Wabash, Lagro, and more. And in the final week of April, I visited Dad and Linda in Madison, and visited the famously eclectic House on the Rock, an architectural marvel designed in a very anti-Frank Lloyd Wright style. And throughout all of this time I was hanging out with friends, going to the beach, having late nights eating out; so this period of the year, while slower than the rest, was not wasted time at all.
South Bend, Indiana, January 2022; Near Eau Claire, Michigan, March 2022.
I mentioned earlier that I had become bitter and angry about my loneliness. After some time feeling this way, I realized that I couldn’t blame anyone else but myself for my feelings, and that if I didn’t put myself out there, I was just making it harder for myself to grow and find someone. So, towards the end of March, I got back on online dating just to give myself a chance again. However, a different event coincided with this change in mindset, and it was the best thing that happened to me this year! After several years of not getting my eyes checked, I had finally gone to the eye doctor and gotten a new prescription, and one sunny afternoon I went to go pick up my new glasses. While there, I couldn’t help but notice that the girl that was helping me was very cute; it was very hard to stay focused as she had me look straight at her while she adjusted my glasses. I also couldn’t help but notice that we were talking easily, bantering about whether Pittsburgh is a real city (it’s not) and discussing my photography. I was absolutely blushing, but was saved by the mask I was wearing. That night I talked to Patrick about “the cute glasses store girl” and how I had definitely wanted to ask for her number, but didn’t feel it was right given that she was at her job. I said that she probably didn’t feel anything anyway, to which Patrick replied, “how do you know, bro?” As it turned out, his words were spot-on!
“I learned who I loved this long summer, building friendships and seeing them through”
A few days after my visit, Malia followed me on Instagram! Unfortunately, I didn’t recognize who she was at that time, but I definitely noticed her! Then, about a month later, she slid into my DMs, talking about how it was crazy how we’d run into each other several times in the past few years! I connected all the dots at that point, and we began a three-week long conversation, and the rest, as they say, is history! We instantly bonded, talking at length about our lives, goals, and opinions, and we became so comfortable with each other that that same week we hung out at the South Bend Museum of Art, where I had a photo on display as part of their general gallery show. We hit it off in person as well, and we had two really wonderful dates after that before we decided to make it official and start dating! By this point we were moving towards the “whirlwind summer” Puppet describes, as I ran around attending my friends’ graduations, making it back to PA for my cousin Brennan’s graduation, celebrating my own 24th birthday, and of course spending increasing time with Malia, with whom it was so easy to lose track of time. However, this was really just the prelude to the summer, as June rolled around and it was soon time to head off to summer camp, a place I hadn’t been since 2019.
Jeremiah and I at his graduation; Me holding my cake on my 24th birthday; my first photo of Malia, on our first date at the beach.
I had debated for a long time whether I should go back to Laurel Lake Camp. The four years I had worked there, all through college, had been some of the best experiences of my life, both spiritually and physically, but also invariably left me drained after the summer ended. Additionally, now that I am working a full-time job, it seemed much less likely that I would have the time to go to camp for the whole summer. But after some deliberation, I had decided that going back to camp is what I wanted, and I was hired to be the boy’s village director, one of the administrative staff positions and something I had thought about doing for years. These plans were made before Malia and I began dating, of course, so now there was the wrinkle of leaving my new partner for six weeks, but we knew we could make it through, so at the beginning of June we said goodbye and I headed to the wilds of Pennsylvania, to Rossiter, which is about 10 minutes from the famous town of Punxsutawney. During that first week of ad staff training I spent plenty of time preparing for my duties and getting to know my fellow ad staff, but also photographing in black and white, something I have wanted to do more of but haven’t found the right subjects for. From previous summers at Laurel Lake I had learned that it is hard to expose properly in the woods, with deep shadows and bright highlights, and I thought that black and white film would allow me more flexibility with exposure, as well as challenge me with a different medium. That was true, and I made several photos that I am very proud of in that first week. Finally, Malia and I were talking every day, missing each other a lot but finding comfort in each other as she dealt with summer classes and I with the high stress of camp. Ultimately I am glad that we had this experience so early in our relationship, as it forced us to grow in the ways we communicate and look out for each other!
In the woods beyond Laurel Lake, Laurel Lake Camp, Rossiter, PA; Mountain Biking Shed, Laurel Lake Camp.
The experience of camp itself, although entirely exhausting, was also absolutely rewarding for me! Each week brought a new set of campers, with all their excitement and fear and uniqueness, and each week the counselors and I strove to give them the best experience they could have. For myself, this mostly meant helping the counselors in any way I could, letting them vent to me, giving them moments off, or just stepping in to help keep their cabins in line. I talked with different kids who weren’t enjoying camp, seeking to understand how I could help them, while also holding them responsible for their actions. I stayed up late more consistently than I ever have, to the point that I learned this summer what everyone else already knows–how great caffeine is! I would often have an ad staff meeting following evening worship, followed by talking to Malia, before doing night check and heading to bed myself. It was a rigorous schedule, but again, very fulfilling! I got to teach my photo classes how to shoot with film, and then develop that film themselves; the kids’ excitement as we pulled their film out of the Paterson tanks never got old. I became good friends with several of the other staff, and I am so thankful to have met Shania and Kenn; they helped me get through the worst days and late nights of camp. Finally, I didn’t have to be separated from my girl the whole six weeks; Malia and I met in New Castle during one of my days off and explored Youngstown together, something that is a truly precious memory to me. Overall, despite the stresses and frustrations of camp, I am so happy that I did it–the leadership skills I learned, friends I made, kids that I hopefully impacted for the better, all the instant photos we all took–these made it totally worth it, and camp formed a perfect crux for me between the first half of the year and the last.
Malia and I at Fellows Riverside Gardens in Youngstown, Ohio; camp friends in Brooksville, PA.
Returning home after the longest weekend of my life (getting two non-consecutive hours of sleep on Saturday night and then driving from PA back to Indiana on Sunday afternoon), Malia and I had one week of fun together before she went home to Hawaii for three weeks. We made the most of it, going to the beach and hanging out after work all week! That Thursday I drove her to Chicago, and then my life slowed down a little for a while. Although I was still seeing friends, enjoying the sun, and catching up on work in the lab, this time gave me a chance to rest after the intensity of camp. Malia and I talked constantly, too, which felt nice after having to carve out time every day while I was gone. Then it was time for my family’s annual Outer Banks vacation, where Mom, Lizzy, and I spent a week in Hatteras, taking long walks on the beach and having fun in the water. I took some of my favorite photos from the year during this week, capturing the golden August light on the ocean and the various lighthouses in the area. Returning home, I was very happy to fall into Malias’ arms, as our period of intermittent separation was over! We had a moment of time to relax together there at the end of the summer, and we took every moment that we could to spend quality time with each other, visiting the Berrien County Youth Fair with our friends and ArtBeat in South Bend, both memorable experiences for sure! Finally, I got to close out the summer on Labor Day weekend at Mackinac Island, a place Dad, Linda, Lizzy, and I had planned to go for a long time! It was truly beautiful there at the top of the mitten, and I was happy to cross a few places off of my Michigander bucket list. Looking back over the whirlwind summer, I cannot believe how much I did and the places I went, but more than that I am so thankful for the people I experienced it all with; my friends and family made this summer, and this whole year, so incredibly special, and I thank all of you that have been part of my life during 2022 for what you mean to me!
“This year will be the one I sing about until I’m done, so let’s keep it going, yeah!”
Something I have consistently struggled with in the past is feeling meaningful to those around me. I have a joke that the only reason my friends keep me around is to take instant photos of them, and of course I’m joking, but there’s a little fear there that I can’t always get past. But this year helped me a lot with these thoughts, showing me that I do make my community better by being part of it. I know that sounds egotistical, but it’s true, and it goes both ways–Jesus and I make each other stronger photographers as we critique each other’s work and go shooting together; Patrick and I challenge each other philosophically across the dinner table; Malia and I help each other grow and reach our goals, both individually and corporately. I know that I helped my fellow staff stay sane during camp, just as I was able to watch out for them and uplift them when needed; I know that I made many customers smile as I completed their prints or scans or whatever; in short, I know that I belong where I am today, and I remain thankful that I am in this position. Another lyric from Whirlwind Summer comes to mind: “my New York family changed my life for the better, all my confidence I owe it all to you.” This is how I feel about my friends, coworkers, family, and especially my lovely partner. You all make me a better person, push me to be the person I desire to be, and that’s everything to me.
North Bendix Drive, South Bend, Indiana; The Able Tree Doctor (Walt Temple), South Bend, Indiana.
You, my reader, will notice that I wrote myself into a corner, both having written two nice endings, in the last two paragraphs, but not having talked about more things past September. I am reminded of the ending of the Gospel of John, where he says that if all of Jesus’s actions were written down that the world would not have enough books for them all. Similarly, I believe I have written enough, and that if you’re still reading I should probably not abuse your patience too much more! Suffice it to say that my life continued at a fast pace–photo trips, visiting Canada, hosting a rockin Halloween party, being part of another gallery show, spending lots more time with Malia and friends, and getting snowed in for Christmas–so that to take time to tell you everything would take up more time than I have, since I did want to post this on New Year’s Day! One last thing I will say, though, is that I am excited for 2023 for many reasons, chief among them that I plan to self-publish my next book, An Ordered World! So keep your eyes out for that, and in the meantime, know that you all mean so much to me, I love you all, and I hope to continue all these things as the new year progresses!
A few songs from this year that I especially liked:
Whirlwind Summer - Puppet
Bending - Puppet
What’s the Trick - Jack White
Shedding My Velvet - Jack White
I’ve Got You Surrounded (With My Love) - Jack White
If I Die Tomorrow - Jack White
Daydreaming - Harry Styles
Daylight - Harry Styles
Run, Raven, Run - Weezer
A Given Thing - Weyes Blood